R.S.P.I.S

On Tue, Apr 28, 2009 at 1:13 PM, Tone Rizza <tone.rizza@gmail.com> wrote:
Dear Sir.

Due to your recent silence I have been forced to assume that you have passed on.  Therefore, I have instituted proceedings whereby all of your possessions, including the deed on your house, will be distributed amongst the bugs living under your veranda.  You will be pleased to note that due to the current economic downturn, all of the notes in your wallet have miraculously turned to coins, your car has converted to a bicycle and your collection of the finest wines known to humanity is now a complete set of cottees cordials, including the new carrot flavour.

I trust this short note finds your sleeping peacefully and hope that the good lord has forgiven you your sins.

Especially that thing you did to the cat.

Yours in mourning,
Sampson L Artickleplop

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From: Kain Gardner <kaingardner@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, Apr 28, 2009 at 3:29 PM
Subject: Re: R.S.P.I.S
To: Tone Rizza <tone.rizza@gmail.com>


Sampson, you swine!

I am neither dead or repentant for crimes committed against, upon or within said cat.

It turns out that I've just been the latest victim of Somalian Sea Pirates.  You see I was taking my boat,

The Miss Jollygoodtits, out for a putter at the weekend and then all of a sudden, "Ma nabad baa?" which is Somalian for "Hello, you are our prisoners".  To cut a long story short, our captors were bodily overpowered halfway through a performance of Rodger and Hammelstein's "My, What a Wondorous Knob", and some of us (me included) escaped using a tunnel that we had dug using only the solid gold cufflinks of 1972 soul heartthrob, Bill Withers.  Sadly Bill didn't make it (shot in the arse with a poison dart), but his cufflinks found a loving home at the Smith Street Cashies.  We swam over 8,516.9 nautical miles to get home an boy were we tired!

Now I am safely re-ensconced in the Skull Throne at Castle Lightning Death.

Let the games begin!

Yours in between,

Fagan Bakery Turtlenecker